Anonymous

Confessions of an Author

AUTHOR'S PREFACE

I gave you these pages, my dear friend, on the same day that my doctor had given me the impression I could expect the end. And as the last favor to a friend I had asked you to publish the pages I had given you. That I ultimately did not die is neither your nor my doctor's fault. But meanwhile you have read my honest and forthright confessions and are of the opinion that they should not be withheld from the rest of the world. As a matter of fact, you consider these confessions educational. Of course, I have to smile about that. I have no desire to educate. Not anybody. To educate means to spoil. But I have an idea: to publish these confessions is bound to give a certain beautiful woman a marvelous case of jaundice.

So, please, do publish my diary. Just change the names and leave out something here and there, wherever you think that I might be too easily recognized. The beautiful woman, that harridan, will recognize me well enough … and that suits me just fine.

Chapter One. MY EARLY YEARS

My sexual desires were awakened at a rather early age and I can remember all the circumstances that contributed to this early awakening quite clearly. I had a mother who was very beautiful and a real woman. Whenever she took me upon her lap, I pressed myself close against her and loved to push my face against her full and resilient breasts. I often tried to unbutton her blouse, because I wanted to put my face against her bare skin; but, to be perfectly frank, the moment Mama realized my intentions, she slapped my hands. It made me more aware… I started to think. Now, why shouldn't I press my face against Mama's beautiful, rosy, bare skin?

I was five years old when Mama took me with her to the city's bathing establishment. I was not the only boy in the ladies' department. It gave me immense pleasure to watch all these women in their many-colored bathing suits and to see those naked calves. There was one in particular that I could not keep my eyes off. She was wearing a tight-fitting knit suit and had already been in the water. The tricot fitted her like her own skin. The little buds on her breasts stuck out quite visibly and her thighs were marvelously white and full. A few of the ladies noticed my obvious delight and I heard Miss Rita Hellmer — who was destined to play an important role in my later years — remark to one of the other girls, “That little boy starts early!” Though I did not understand her remark, it made me think, and now I felt duty-bound to really stare at that beautiful woman in her tricot.

Mama had left me in the care of one of the female attendants and a few of the boys who could already swim. But suddenly she took me along with her and sat down with me on the steps which led to the swimming pool. Oh, how I pressed myself against her! Now I really felt her skin and saw the beautiful bosom which stood out firmly in the red bathing suit. At that time a strange, up till then unknown, feeling shivered through me and I had to hold myself tightly against Mama, since, otherwise, I would have slid into the water. I was overcome with a sudden vertigo. Mama noticed that I did not feel too well and brought me over to a bench which was standing next to the cabin in the shadow. She sat down next to me and I leaned my face against the wet red suit, precisely where it stretched tightly across her bosom. I sat there very quietly and I was very happy. As soon as Mama noticed that I had quieted down, she wanted to stand up. However, I held her tightly and she had to virtually beg me to let go of her so that she could take one more swim in the pool. I let go of her but my eyes followed her greedily and when she went out of sight I cried quietly. Finally she returned. She walked quickly into her cabin to dress so that she could take care of me as fast as possible. I sat there for awhile but she took too long, so I got up and hurriedly slipped into the unlocked cabin. There I saw Mama, standing before me in full and gorgeous nudity.